Love is a beautiful thing, Love is passion and it should be expressed.Therefore, there is the saying that , too much of everything is bad–So too much of love is bad.When you’re in a relationship, it’s normal and healthy to spend a lot of time with your significant other. However, too much love and affection can suffocate your relationship.
Being over demanding and expecting your lover to spend every free minute they have with you is what we call smothering; a serious and common relationship killer.
Someone will ask , what at all is smothering?–it means suffocate, thus causing difficulty in breathing espercially through lack of air and presence of a heat. So in “love -smothering” spending every minute and being over demanding suffocates the love rather.
During these happy ‘honeymoon’ month’s lovers are more understanding, patient and willing to compromise on almost everything. This is the perfect time to set boundaries and make sure we don’t kill our relationships by overstepping the mark and smothering our partner.
Too much affection and love is often referred to as smothering.
When you smother someone you overstep basic relationship boundaries, such as invading their personal and work space by calling or sending too many messages throughout the day. This might be cute at the start, but will soon get old and start to suffocate the relationship.
In contrast, when you love someone you give them the space and freedom they need. You listen and respect their boundaries and help them grow. You add value in all areas of their life and you show your love through words and more importantly through your actions.
What’s the difference between love and smothering?
There is a thin and fine line between love and smothering.
When you are in a smothering relationship, there’s not enough room for you or your partner to grow as individuals. Your independence is striped away, and your life is hijacked by a constant need for affection and attention even if you are not ready for that attention at that particular point in time.
Let’s take a closer look at what the difference is between real love and selfish smothering.
Love is giving the other person what they want and what they need. Love knows you can’t have everything right away and is willing to wait.
1. Patient Vs. demanding
A.Real love is patient:
Love knows people take time to grow. Love is happy to enjoy the here and now, the present moment.Love will patiently wait for things to happen naturally, not putting any pressure on the other person or the relationship.
B.Smothering love always demands:
People who smother are constantly asking questions and demanding answers about the future of the relationship. They rarely let anything happen organically.They need constant reassurance, commitment, attention and continuous contact to feel secure.
Smothering love can be looked at as nothing but an overindulgence of affection. You might also look at it as an emotional killer that suffocates a relationship.
People who choose to smother do not take the time to ask, listen or look at their partner’s needs and wants. They are too focused on filling their own selfish cravings for love, attention and affection.
They are insecure, demanding and constantly take what they can without giving back to the relationship. Often augmentative and short tempered, if confronted they will react aggressively and show no sign of wrongdoing.
God gave us two ears and one mouth so we could listen more than we speak.
Ask your partner this one simple question and write down the answers:“What do you need and want from me and this relationship?”
It takes five seconds to ask but a lifetime to fulfill.
Dont forget that you are looking for a “soul mate, not a cellmate”. Learn to be secure with yourself and with your partner. Learn to give them space and freedom and most importantly, learn to love yourself. Because learning to love yourself will bring more joy and peace than trying to love someone else.
True love doesn’t mean being inseparable; it means being separated and nothing changes.
The writer Ian is the founder and CEO of DateMeKenya.com. He is an online dating expert, dating coach and has over 11 years of experience in the industry. Follow Ian and his DateMeKenya.com journey on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @DateMeKenya
Mind you -This article expresses the author’s opinion only. The views and opinions expressed here do not necessarily represent those of ghpage.com or its editors. We welcome opinion and views on topical issues. Email: [email protected]